My sister and brother-in-law were here to visit weeks back. She and I have much in common. We love gardening. We love little animals. And we both suffer from ailments that set us planted on our knees begging for Uncle sometimes.
She explained that she had gotten her DNA tested recently and that her findings have helped her to understand her difficulties better and how she has been able to implement action to her betterment.
I thought that was pretty cool. So I did the same thing. Did I have any idea of the door I was opening? Nope. Actually my findings were not a huge surprise. After all, I have been living with all those “numbers” for 56 years, so I am somewhat familiar with their personalities. I became familiar with my blond hair and brown eyes a few years back.
What was magical (or scary) was that all those numbers confirmed many things that I already knew. And the many things I did NOT already know.
I think I thought that much of my “stuff” was environmental. Or something. Why cant I drink a cup of coffee without my nervous system freaking out? Why am I not able to deal with medicine well? Why do I go through bouts of mild (or not) depression? Who dun turned me into an alcoholic? Who was that bad guy/girl? WHY AM I SICK ALL THE TIME?
I heard a scripture verse on the radio yesterday that has rung beautifully in my ears since:
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9
I LOVE THAT. He is here with me ALL the days that I am weak. I rest surely in that. I take great comfort. I want His power splayed all over the top of me. And His grace IS sufficient. On the days when I ask for it. Some days I forget to ask.
Knowing my DNA results did not fix any of these things. But it gave me huge insight into those questions. I don’t have to ask WHY? Why me? anymore. The answers to the question is this: Because. “I SAID SO” (Ooops. My moms gene sneaking out of me.) This is who you are. In large part, this is who you were born to be.
Huge blessings, I was born to be. Wonderful, beautiful girl I was born to be. Into a great, loving family I was born to be. Sickly? Yes. But there are millions of numbers attached to me. What more could I ask? So complicated. So fragile. How can I spend time complaining with all those numbers wanting to keep me upright everyday? There are a few broken numbers I’ll admit. And even some pretty scary things looming. But for goodness sake, who is not suffering in this world?
Our new little grandbaby had her baptism yesterday. It was beyond precious. The cycle of life overwhelms me. SHE overwhelms me. It was picture perfect with family and friends (we missed you Charlie, Sam and Lauren) celebrating the entry of her little life into the church. Immediately after being blessed with the water and oil, she literally flopped into a slumber from the exhaustive wait. It was like the event caused her to pass out. She is now safely and snuggly in the embrace of Christ. Whew.
The weather was beeeautiful. The party was perfect.
I pray that she got the best of my genes.
When we were slipping into bed last night, Pops said that days do not get better than that. I agreed. Days do not get better than that. Life is not without suffering. I keep trying to convince myself of that. We are born with it in our bones. But the perfection that we get glimpses of between the shards make it ALL worth it.
Even if I don’t have a memory of it in twenty years.
It is all about this moment.